Unexpected life...

6-April -2014
Sunday
6:59 A.M.

I hate the fact that I can't get over you.

25 days have gone today since we aren't together. More than enough time to comprehend the situations. Does loving someone can be so painful? I really never had an idea but then they say only unexpected things happen in life. You came into my life-unexpected. We became friends - unexpected. I fell in love with our friendship - unexpected. You said you love me more- lie.

God!!!! I just cannot believe its all happening with me. People say love is a pure and sacred emotional without any evil. I actually believed in it blindly. I believed our love is unconditional. I believed we'll always be together, nothing in this world can separate us. I trusted you with all my heart. And what you did? You walked out of my life as if two years were nothing. How could you be so ruthless?

Do you remember once(in May 2013) when we had break up and I wanted to walk out you were the who said that when coming into relationship was our mutual decision how could I take the decision of walking out alone.  Now what should I say? If you had to do all this and you knew its not going to work in long run why did you always make me come back to you? Why didn't you let me go? Why did you left me crying here? Didn't you know I won't ever be able to handle all this alone?  Why don't you make me come back once again?   I want answers.

I just cannot accept all this. Its beyond my strength. I am here crying out for the one who actually doesn't exist (or this is what I am made to believe by your family). This is so hard for me not to cry. Last night I cried and was sitting alone. Sweta sensed I am again thinking about the same and said me if there is something I can share with her. I was dumbstruck to hear this. She is more mature than me. She understands things better than me. I was thinking am I her elder sister or she is mine. The way she is handling me with love, care and sympathy, I am indebted to her for everything. Had I been at her place, I couldn't have handled all this with this much courage.

I do understand this way my pain is not going to subside but I cannot distract myself from your thoughts. It is not as easy as others(or you) think. You think saying sorry for what you did was enough to make me forget past two years? No its not. Your or your family's sorry is not going to help me. Moreover I don't even believe that story. I don't know how much true it is but I really cannot believe that someone who loved me more than his life (or pretended so) can do this to me. Its unbelievable.

This is the worst experience of my life. I had been through many tough times but I always came out strong. In our case I don't know how to accept it with a strong heart. It's so very difficult.