4 weeks...

8-April -2014
Tuesday
6:55 A.M.

Some dates are always cursed.

8Th, the most awaited date of every month. In past two years there isn't a single month when you didn't wish me no matter how angry I was.  Missing you like anything.

One day and so many memories.. Today its last day of Navratri. I remember during last navratri puja and kanya bhoj I was giving you details about puja and everything at home. We celebrated it together. Yes today also everything is going on same way only difference is this time there is no smile on my face.

Today 4 weeks have passed when I got to know about the truth. It seems everything happened yesterday only. Nothing has changed is my condition. I am still as sad as I was. Even now I wait for your morning text, specially today. I felt so bad when there was no text wishing me happy anniversary. It's an obvious fact that there is no point in wishing now as there is nothing like before but its this heart who isn't ready to admit the truth.

I really don't know how this day is going to pass. I am missing you so badly. I wish either I  could erase each and every memory of yours from my mind or I could stop this heart from beating. I cannot fight with myself everyday. The more I try myself to keep calm the more restless I feel.

Yesterday Ankit brought a parrot for me. It's just 10-15 days old. Very small & delicate. We have named him Jacob. Ankit  thinks this will keep me busy and divert my mind. Yes it actually did for some time but it didn't take too long to drag me back to your thoughts. I have hardly slept last night. Wanted to message you like always at midnight but I stopped myself doing any such mistake. Yes I am trying myself to prove strong. Though I know I am not.. neither I was nor I would be ever.

In fact this incident has made me more weak. I am totally changed from what I was. This incident has killed the real me. I have lost my own identity in process of getting and losing you. Scariest incident of my life. I can never ever trust anyone now.

The one and only unshaken support I have is Sweta here. She maybe be younger to me but she is dealing me with so much maturity. I had decided I won't do any puja or go to temple but she forced me to attend aarti. She is the one who took me to temple on the first of Navratri and yesterday too that too by tricking me. I know it was intentional but I didn't say anything as I know she want me to come out of this traumatic phase anyhow and she is putting all efforts too.

Everyone want me to forget the past and move on. I want it too. But days like today won't ever let it happen. If I will keep missing you like this and cry how will I move on I don't have any clue.