20Th-April -2014
Sunday
6:02 A.M.
One more morning with bad news. I slept around 3 a.m. in the morning and by 5:15 am my sleep was broken with mom's voice when she called dad shouting that there is blood in Jacob's cage. My heart sank completely. We all got up and went outside. It's wings were stuck in cage and blood was oozing from its tender skin. I was frozen at the sight. Jacob is just one month old and its body is yet not developed well. Dad somehow managed to take it out and cleaned its skin with water. Good thing is it's alive. I am really sad to see its condition. The blood is making me paranoid.
Don't know what's wrong is going at my home. One after another mishappening. Having such a bad time. It seems there is no end of all this. Every next day something bad happens to make me realize I can never be happy again in my life.
I cannot sleep back after this sight. As I try to close my eyes, blood appears in front of me. Its terrible. I cannot face it.
I am tired of all this now. I cannot take it more. Everyday crying, thinking about the past, getting sad and depressed, losing myself more and more... I am done with all this. Now I want all this to get over.
14:09 P.M.
Now once again mom and her questions. I don't know why she doesn't leave me alone. I can't even cry here peacefully. Don't I have right to live the way I want? Why everyone is forcing me to move on? When they don't know why I have become like this, why they want to do something thats not possible. They want me to speak up and I don't know how to explain that no matter how hard I try I cannot speak. The words just don't come out from my lips. I am feeling a strange churning inside me. My heart is beating rapidly. My hands are cold and eyes brimmed with tears. I wish there was any way to explain that I am not doing it willingly. I want to speak up and pour my heart into audible words. I want to come out from this trap of memories. I really want to start my life again. I do efforts too and Sometimes they are successful too but only for few moments. After a while I get trapped again. Crying and crying all day is not supposed to help me I know that. I even scold myself for reacting like this but in the end its only me who give up as nothing helps.
People often say live moves on. It never stops for anyone. How to believe in these words? My life has stopped. A month.. more than a month.. your memories, my tears everything is same. You were the one who made me believe in love. Now come back and tell me how to forget you. Come back and make this pain go away.
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