Not easy to let go...

17-April -2014
Thursday
5:12 A.M.

It's not easy to let go...

These sleep deprived nights and restless days. I never imagined life will take me here one day. I have seen several ups and downs in my life. The best of times when I felt I am flying above the sky and the worst of times when I lost all hopes. In all those times I was never so much carried away as I am today. Am I the same girl who was once a source of inspiration to others? Now I feel I never knew myself. Its beyond all my perceptions I assumed for myself. I have always known I am emotional and senti but to this extreme I never realized.

Sun is scattering its rays in the horizon vanishing all the darkness. I wish it could brighten my life too. They say every dark night has a bright morning. I am waiting for that morning. A morning which brings back you and my smiles too. Why have you gone away? Didn't you know I won't be able to accept it? This is getting a way too far I ever thought. Was I so much addicted to you? You're like a slow poison to me. I know its going to kill me in the end still I can't give up because it's my addiction.

People say life doesn't end with the departure of anyone. I hope they never met someone like me. My life has been ceased. It's not moving. Everyday the same moments, everyday the same pain. Increasing. At times I break down completely and want to cry until I die of exhaustion. How kiddish does it sound! No one can expect this from a girl like me. I always marvelled at the tragic and emotional moments of movies and novels thinking do they happen for real? Now I know yes they are so real. It happens. Love stabs the pure soul so brutally and the worst part is still it doesn't complain. Even today if someone says anything against you I can't listen. It fills me with anger. When Shashank and Shipra started talking against you I lost all my temper. I can't bear anything against you. Sounds stupid. I know. But my love was never so weak that it'll over in just few moments or days. The fact is it won't be over ever. I don't know why I still cannot believe on anything I know. I definitely have no proof of what's true and what's not but all I know is someone who gave me all the happiness of world cannot do this to me. There is something wrong. Something I don't know. Something I wasn't told. Something I might never get a chance to know.

22:03 P.M.

Full moon.. its looking so beautiful among uncountable stars in the sky.  I am standing at balcony gazing at the shining moon and twinkling stars. Missing you. Missing the time when we used to tell each other to watch the moon and comparing whose moon is more beautiful. Of course mine. It always was. The chilled breeze, velvety sky studded with moon and stars, prevailing silence and alone me missing you extremely. I wish you were here. I want to smile like before. That never ending smile. I don't miss only you, I miss myself too. This cold breeze and such a lovely view I always loved it and today I am feeling no emotion about it. It cannot bring my smile back.:'(