It hurts...

18-April -2014
Friday
8:46 A.M.

A thing of beauty is a joy forever...

These poetic words sound so romantic. Gives you a peculiar feeling of joy and unsaid happiness. I too used to feel the same feeling until few days back but not now. This exotic weather, cloudy sky, cold breeze, swaying leaves on trees, chirping birds, my dripping wet hair and song "Aa tujhe in baaho mein bharke aur bhi kar lu mai kareeb... tu humsafar, tu hamkadam, tu hamnava mera". To anyone it may give the most divine feeling of universe. The feeling of being in LOVE. But not to me.

I am sitting here alone near window watching this ethereal beauty of nature. Water drops dripping from my hairs and tears streaming  from my  eyes. Fighting back with myself, trying to be calm and composed. Why everything changed? Those moments were so amazing that I cannot forget them. Now I am here to miss every moment and cry. The changing tracks "koi nahi tere siwa mera yaha... pehle kabhi na tune mujhe gum diya, phir mujhe kyu tanha kar diya" are making me cry even more. That's why I avoid music now. My all love for music is over now.

I can see the first rain drops touching the ground and getting absorbed, losing its own existence. The smell of wet soil is making me feel nostalgic. I have lost my existence too. I am lost in some other world. A world from where I will never come back. I will never find myself back. I will never be the same. Love has changed me. Rather love has killed the real me.

Missing you like anything. I want you to say "chalo bahar". I want you to smirk when I say no. I want you to say "kanyu hairs dry karo." I want you to share every moment of mine with you. Come back na. I cannot live like this. I need you. I need you more than anything else in this world. It's not just you have gone from my life. My life itself has gone.

Today 2 States is releasing. From the very day I knew about this movie I wanted to watch it first day first show and today when the day has come I don't want to go anywhere. Nothing excites me now. Not even the best of things which I used to love from the core of my heart. Seems everything has lost its charm or maybe I have lost my interest.

My mood changes in seconds. At one moment I get angry for not getting over you and at the other moment I start crying because I start missing you badly. I feel so miserable. It hurts me. I am finding no way to tackle things. This seems so unreal how can a girl like me behave in such a kiddish way. How can I cry every single day for someone who I don't know ever existed or not? I am confused. I am in pain. I am hurt. All at the same moment. These creepy feelings don't let me stay in peace.