Streaming drops...

13-April -2014
Sunday
6:59 A.M.

20:17 P.M.

Somehow I tried to keep myself calm and composed whole day long. Remained busy with books and internet. Thought I am healing. But this was just a distraction which didn't last long. I lost it. Once again I am failed to recover. I am crying profusely here again. Locking myself inside the room I am crying from past one hour. Reason? I really don't know why. I am clueless. Tears are streaming down and I can't stop them. I really want to die. I can't live like this. This is enough for me. I can't bear this pain anymore. I don't want to die bit by bit. I want this pain to end once and for all. :'(:'(:'(

Don't know what I am up to . Don't know what I want. Don't know what I should do to let it all over. I have given up. It's not in my control now. Everytime I think things are getting better something or other thing has come up to mess it all. I have no strength to face all this. I am getting weaker day by day. Losing myself bit by bit. I don't know how long I will survive like this. I don't want anyone to know what I am going through. But the condition I am in says it all. I don't want anyone to come and see me like this crying dreadfully.

Only thought that's running to my mind is to kill myself and end this pain. Any possible way is fine with me. Hanging myself from fan, having lots of sleeping pills or any other drug or cutting my nerves anything.. just anything that can make me free from all this suffering.:'(:'( It's going way too far I had ever thought. I want to go away from everything and everyone.

I always lived a life with pride. I don't want anyone to know how broken and weak I am. I cannot see my own sister looking at me with concern and sympathy in her eyes. It hurts me. :'(:'(:'( I don't know what to do. How to stop myself from crying like this? I don't even have a reason to say why I am crying. My eyes refuse to follow me. I am afraid if anyone came here what would I say. How will I explain why am I crying like this? I just want to die.:'( I cannot explain anyone why I have become like this. Alive still dead. I cannot live like this. I am not that strong in hiding my feelings and pretend as if everything is fine. My eyes and silence say it all. I feel so suffocating here. Sometimes all I wish is to run away to some isolated place where no one know me and no one stop me from crying. Sometimes I want to kill myself and leave everything behind. I know it won't effect much to anyone except Sweta. But I know she is stronger than me. She will handle my death too. :'(

I have no wish to live anymore:'( Every breath I am taking is burden for me.:'( I cannot bear this burden now.:'( I am tired of everything:'( Just want to end everything.:'(