May 30th, 2014
Friday
10:37 A.M.
It doesn't make sense to let go something you had for so long but it also doesn't make any sense to hold on when nothing is left.
Not having a good day. Feeling feverish and very uneasy. Eyes are paining too. Heart is racing frantically. M feeling as if something wrong is going to happen. Fingers crossed. I hope nothing wrong happens now. I have already faced a lot in past few months. Don't know why I am just not feeling good. I told this to mom also when she was working in kitchen but she said its all because of summer season. She didn't take my words seriously and somehow missed the expression of my pale face. I'm seriously not feeling good.
Today it's Aarav's birthday. I wished him in early morning when he was sleeping. I am happy because my call made him happy. We're planning for a small gathering at his place as he is also not well. I have assured him that I'll come. I actually don't want to go but I don't have any choice but to meet him. He planned my birthday very well. Now its my turn to do something for him. I cannot let him down.
I am not worried about about meeting Aarav, I am scared of meeting other people at his place. I kind of feel scary in crowd. Too many people, laughing, talking, gossiping, asked questions... too much to take. Irritating buzz. I just feel like running. Running away from all that buzz.
In all these days I feel comfortable only in my room, in utter silence. Crowd, voices, questions, smiles they all make me panic. I don't know what is going to happen. I haven't decided what to gift him. Few days back I promised him to bring a nice shirt but that isn't enough. I have to think something more to make him feel special. His expectations must be high as he knows I'm good at making surprise plans. Little does he know that I'm not the same girl now. It's not easy for me to plan something special this time. I'm really scared and nervous too.
11:15 P.M.
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