Why can't I...

May 12th, 2014
Monday
6:51 A.M.

Why am I afraid to lose you, when you are not even mine...???

One more morning without you. 62 days have bygone when we had our last conversation. I didn't know this would be so difficult to live without you. We have moved apart. Things have changed. You have changed. Life has changed. Then why I still love you the same way? I don't have any answer of my own questions.

Yesterday almost all day I had tears in my eyes(right now also). I am sure you must have forgot the date. Or maybe not as you always remembered the dates related to me..to us. Its so hard to believe you can live without me. I had tears in my eyes and Sweta realised there is something troubling me. She came to me and fed me chocolate, applying it allover my face, playing chocolate holi with me. I appreciate her efforts to make me happy. She is the best sister anyone could get.

6:57 P.M.

By chance I just remembered that today three months have passed when that Love Announcement was posted on FB. Memorable moment ever. Despite of suffering with high fever I was enormously happy and as far as I know you were happy too. That post, unlimited likes, blessings, comments, huge applauding response. I was elated with joy. Whole world got to know how much we love each other.

I wish I could foresee my future at that time and could know that we would apart someday like this. That  would have saved me from all the pain I am going through now.

I am feeling frustrated right now. Little angry at myself. Why the hell I can't get over you? When I know there are no hopes left, why can't I forget you? It's really painful to remember the happy past and ruining my present with those happy memories. I feel my own emotions are playing with me. One moment I feel angry at myself, next moment I start missing you again and later I feel tears filling my eyes. Its disgusting how I am crying over you when I don't know if you even remember me or not. :'(