Over or not?

May 2nd,2014
Friday
4:02 A.M.

All night has gone in eyes. Neither I have slept nor Sweta. I am trying to introspect myself. Thinking about my friends, career, love and my relationship with you. Innumerable thoughts, countless memories and endless tears this is all left behind with me since you have gone. I am recounting my past when you're always my side, loving me, inspiring me to do best in everything I do. Today I have no dreams and hopes. I am not living, I am surviving somehow. Life is playing biased dice. When I wanted to stay alone, you entered my life and just when I wanted to be with you forever, it took you away from me. Hopes and wishes never match up to reality.

All day long I was craving to talk to you. I wanted to talk to you. For a moment I thought to call you and wish you personally but I suppressed all my thoughts as I understand this can bring problems once again and that is why I kept my cell switched off whole day. Every now and then my eyes had tears. I scold myself not to cry like this. I cringe as I realize how miserable I have become. How pitiful I sound when I say to myself,"It's all over..." It hurts. It kills. My anxiety grows manifold when my mind questions me if you too miss me the way I miss you. You have gone. My life has gone. My soul, my strength has drained away. I want you to know how much you matter to me. I know you'll never understand what I feel and what I am going through. Tears rolling down once again from my eyes. This pain is too much to endure. An instant death is always better than a painful death. I feel like dieing. I cannot withstand this pain. You gave meaning to my life. You were the most important thing in my life. My life is meaningless without you. Each and every moment I think about you takes me a step away from my own life.  As a matter of fact I know it well that nothing can bring you back. Nothing can change our fate. But my heart refuses to accept this fact. My heart will never allow me to get over you. No matter where life takes in future, you'll be the only one I love.