Excruciating loneliness...

May 9th, 2014
Friday
5:03 A.M.

I'll never get over you getting over me..
I'll never get over you getting over me..
I know that I should move on in my life..
But a life without you could never be right..
I'll never get over you getting over me...

This song is playing over and over in my playlist and on my mind as well. The lyrics are so touching, seems made for me. Definitely I know I should now move on in my life leaving my past and you behind. But I have no strength to take the leap once again. When you stepped into my life I took a leap of faith and tripped so badly that it still hurts so painfully. The healing is yet to begin. I want to die, but keep on living like a dead for some obnoxious reason. I keep on craving for your presence. Your thoughts fill my mind. The silence and the beauty around me has lost its meaning.

It's early morning and everyone is in deep slumber except me. I am wide awake thinking of you. I just can't let go this feeling of emptiness. The sad memories of past events don't allow my soul to rest in peace. It's totally impossible. Why can't I stop thinking about you? There is something which pulls me towards you. No matter what I start thinking about, my thoughts always end up on you.

Meditation, counseling, friends, family, music, internet, books nothing... nothing grabs my attention like before. As soon as my eyes open the first thing I do is to see your online status and even if due to network error it shows you offline, my heart stops beating. The anxiety of checking you online is always so high.

I never I would feel so alone without you. It's quite irritating Sometimes when I try to escape this lonely feeling and indulge myself in other activities but my all efforts go in vain the very moment when I think what you would have said if were here with me. At that very moment I just need you like anything.