I'll never be okay without you...

May 23, 2014
Friday
5:12 A.M.

Morning rays are scattering over the sky, lightening the world of people. Sun can only light up the world not my heart. Only you can bring the light in my dark world.

Moment by moment days are trailing. Some moments I miss you and some moments I miss you more. There isn't a moment when I can say you're not there in my thoughts.

How can someone rule over my heart like this? It's a question for me too. The more I search for answers the more baffled I get. Things are improving. I have learnt to fake smiles in front of others. Deep inside my heart I know how much pain is behind these smiles. Whenever I sit alone I want to cry and sometimes I cry too. I want to talk to you. I want to tell you the things I cannot tell to anyone else. I want you to make me smile. I want you to argue with me that I am your baby, only yours.

I don't know how are you there but I ain't okay without you here. I'll never be okay without you. Maybe you've moved on, maybe you miss me. Maybe you played with my feelings, maybe circumstances made you do this. Maybe... No matter how many times I try to make myself understand that you're not in my life now, I'll never accept it in real.

6:59 P.M.

I came back with Aarav and his sister today. We had very short conversation as Ananya di was also with us. She knows about the incident but not completely. She knows that I have lost someone I used to love a lot. She doesn't know I have still not moved on. My silent and reserved demeanor is enough to make anyone understand that I'm changed. Aarav asked me for ice-cream and guess what I said that I don't want. He insisted many times but I really didn't want to eat. Strange for him. I used to fight for ice-cream always. I loved it because you used to stop me. Now you're not here to stop me and I don't like to eat it.