2 months...

May 11th, 2014
Sunday
3:54 A.M.

Time isn't flying, its crawling without you...

Today 2 months are going to complete of the storm which took you away from my life.:'( I'm missing your presence so badly. Wide awake in dark night, silently sobbing and wishing you were here to say, "My princess doesn't look while crying. " Missing you so badly. Just can't stop crying. Please come back.:'(

Why can't you see that even after two months of our drifting apart I am unable to forget you? Are you happy without me? Don't you miss me as badly as I do? What did you get by doing all this to me? I  just can't get over you. Its so difficult to stop or hide tears. I want my smiles back. You have no right to snatch my smiles. You can't do this to me. :'(

12:48 P.M.

Seeing you online and curbing the desire to text you is irresistible. I don't text you even though I am dying to talk to you. No gtalk, no kik, no gmail, no texts and I have use every bit of my will power to resist texting you. I find it so odd, we were never like this. I used to flare up in an instant before but now all I see is my wet eyes.

As I see your id showing you online my heart starts racing. So many memories associated with this id and your name. Indelible memories. Its been 2 months today but it takes a split second to bring me back to the memories of our time together. I have to force myself to not get so emotional. I cannot concentrate on anything. I feel as if I am miles away from everyone around me. I am in some different world of my own. A world where nothing matters to me except you.

I am here sitting alone in my room, working on lappy and seeing my tears falling on keys of lappy. I haven't changed the wallpaper of my lappy. Its still the same pic you sent to me in which you wrote my name in your hand. The pain in seeing the evidences of something that no longer exists except in memories is excruciating. My ashen face says it all. Anyone can figure it out how painfully I am surviving without you.

I am still trying to compose myself but the truth of all that you and I meant to be together is haunting me. For me you're still the most lovable person I ever came across in my life. No one, just no one matches you or maybe I am too obsessed with you to see others with the same point of view. I don't want to revisit the past. Its a complete torture to do so but your memories are so powerful to conquer and I am so  powerless at this instant.

I rack my brain hard to forget you and indulge myself in other things around but it never happens. You're not a part of my life anymore. I am done with it. It is the past. Everything is over. I repeat these words in my mind over and over. Yet my heart refuse to listen. There is always a combat between my mind and heart. Finally its the heart that always wins.

Two years...how quickly time ran out before we could  even realise,  it slipped out of our hands. I remember how everyone used to tell me, 'You guys are the most lucky couple and you both are going to be happy together for the rest of your lives.' I used to blush at such compliments. I was always so proud to have you in my life. I didn't ever think that one day you will walk out of my life leaving me alone.

This date sends jitter down my spine. The same date when you and I drifted apart never to be together again. Now even after two months of this incident I remember every bit of that day. How Avantika di texted that she wants to talk, how your dad told me the truth, how Avantika di tried to console me, how you talked to me and said sorry, how I kept on crying, how my all dreams shattered into pieces, how my family was shocked to see in such state, how I died at that very moment.. I remember each and every detail of that night.

Although I am not convinced with whatever story your family told me yet I had no option that time and moreover I was too broken to react.

I want to meet you right now and show you all the mails, texts, screenshots and pictures.  I want to ask you what was all that? Why the hell you did this to me? Why you made me believe you are the one for me? Why you always made me stay when I wanted to walk out? What happened to all those promises and swears you took on me and your mom? Damn how can you swear on your mom when you didn't mean it? Don't your mom matter to you? I was a stranger but your mom was close to you. How could you take false swear of your mom? Don't you have conscience?  Don't you have heart? How do you face yourself?