8 weeks...

May 6th, 2014
Tuesday
6:23 A.M.

Before I could blink 8 weeks have bygone. I'm supposed to forget you now. I should have move on. There isn't any hope that you'll come back. I should stop day dreaming that you'll be missing me. But you know what it isn't as easy as it sounds.

As I think of that terrible evening my heart sinks and my eyes well up. It was a big shock which hit me like a tornado. I am left alone, unhappy and depressed. The words of your dad play again and again in my mind. A blatant truth made my world spined around. I have lost my race against time. Every moment seems same.

I feel trembling as I remember those lethal memories of 10/11th march 2014 and their crystal clear image in my mind. I want to erase all those memories. I am unable to comprehend what went wrong. Those cold vibes between us. I can't make out any decision. I am sitting here numbed and clueless. Why you did this to me? The very thought of it is disgusting. It send jitters down my spine. Broken, devastated, shattered, lonely, suicidal.. the feelings I never felt before. Where have those cherished moments gone when I used to hide my smile to avoid any query about why I am so happy?  Those never ending talks. Those never fading smiles. Those love filled moments. All gone now. I should have known nothing lasts forever.:'( The words of your dad and sister slid the ground beneath my foot. That was the end of everything.. my smiles, my happiness, my love and my life. Everything seems so empty and meaningless without you.

I don't know how to console my heart and make it believe that whatever happened was for real. It wasn't a dream. I wish I could tell you how I am feeling without out but I doubt you'll ever understand what a true and genuine relationship means. After you I am wary of getting close to anyone. I am scared of any kind of closeness or any relationship. I am okay with my loneliness. I am filled with a deep sense of loss. How wonderful relationship we had. Its all a past now. See once again my eyes are cheating on me. I don't want to cry but they aren't following what I want them to do.

I am missing you:'( I wish you were here to tell me that Kanyu everything gonna be okay.