Why me...??

June 1st, 2014
Sunday
2:57 A.M.

Woke up a few moments before because of a nightmare. I am scared of sleeping now a days. It's not the first time I have woke up with cold sweat. From last few days I am seeing this nightmare. It feels I am falling from somewhere so high. Someone has pushed me I think. I am falling and falling. My eyes are shut with terror. There is no end. I want to shout for help but not able to speak. Its too dark. Before I touch the ground I woke up. I have seen this dream so many times. People say every dream has some meaning. I don't know what this dream wants to convey. It's not a dream for me rather its a nightmare.

I am actually terrified now. I cannot  share all this with anyone. Not even with mom and sweta as they will think its only my imagination. I am feeling so alone now. I have no one left in my life with whom I can share what I feel. I don't even have words to put together how much terrified I am right now. I am always afraid of dark and loneliness and only they are left in my life. Am I too bad? Did I do something wrong? Why all this is happening with me? Don't I deserve to be happy? What is my mistake? At least I deserve an explanation to know why I have to face all these sufferings.

I can't sleep back. This nightmare terrifies me. I have no one to talk with. The feeling of loneliness is the worst feeling in this world. Its better to die than to live like a corpse. I didn't ever know I'll become so weak without you. All I am doing is to drowning myself deeper in the sea of tears and sorrow. I am not getting any way to come out of this trauma.

From the day you've left me till today the pain has increased incessantly. I think about you, I miss you, I cry and cry endlessly.

Please come back:'( From anywhere and anyhow:'( I am dying here every moment.:'( I can't stop crying:'( Nothing and no one can bring my happiness back except you. Please please please come back. I don't know what to do to bring you back. Why can't you see my tears now? Don't you know you're my life? :'( please aa jao. Nhi reh pa rhi hu mai tumhare bina. Kuch acha nhi lagta. Kuch bhi nhi. Sab adhura lagta hai. Mai khud ko samjha bhi nhi pa rhi hu. Please wapas aa jao. Please aa jao. I don't know kya karu, kya kahu, kaha jau. I just feel like dieing. Kuch bhi samajh me nhi aa rha kya karu. I am tired of this crying and living without you. :'(