Hopeless...

May 31st, 2014
Saturday
6:35 A.M.

There are moments in life when you want to scream aloud, you want to express your pain but all you have to do is to fake a smile, showing you're fine. The same is happening with me. I am forcing smile on my face. Why we have to pretend what we are not? Why we have to show that we are okay when we are clearly not?

I am losing hope of regaining my strength back. The circumstances aren't in my favor I guess. Not even my luck is in my favor. My all ways to stay strong are failing one by one.

I was expecting Aarav's presence will help me to come out of my world of loneliness. Of course he is trying his best to cheer me up and make me smile. Yeah I smile too on his silly jokes but these smiles stay as long as he is around. As soon as he goes my smiles go away too. Rather I should say I fake smiles when we are together. I don't like seeing him sad. Why he should pay for something what he hasn't done? He has all the rights to stay happy.

2:30 P.M.

Okay so again I m not feeling good. No I have no reason why I am feeling musty. I was trying to write the new story but my mind isn't concentrated on story. Its wandering. My all thoughts have a final destination and that's you. Even today I think had you been here what would have you said. I am not interested in story anymore. No way to talk to you. Actually I have ways to contact you but the thing is there isn't any point in talking to you now. What will I say? What will I ask? I know you've no explanation for your act.

I am surprised at myself. I know everything. I understand everything. Then why the hell its so difficult to accept it? Why tears are filled in my eyes when I know I did no mistake? I don't know if you feel the same or not.

I can't help it. I have no one to talk to. Those who are here I don't like to talk to them and you're not here to listen me. I am giving words to my feelings. Though these words can never define what I am going through in real but I feel relieved after penning down my thoughts.