Dead end..

June 21st, 2014
Saturday
8:23 A.M.

Woke up with severe headache. It seems my head will burst with this pain. Things appear blurred to me. Don't want to leave bed. It hurts even if I try to raise my head from pillow.  I don't know how to say this to Maa that I'm not feeling good. She thinks everyday I've some or other issue. I wish someone could read my mind and understand what I want to say. Its so darn impossible for me to put  my feelings into words. Words don't come out easily as if they are struck in my throat. Even if I try to say something they come out like broken chunks, not to be understandable by anyone.

From last three days I am feeling so depressed. I have reason too for feeling so. A reason which is irrelevant to others but significant to me. I'm feeling suicidal right now. First this headache and then this strange feeling inside me is killing me. Its so painful to die in bits every moment.

People say life is the name of moving on. It never stops for me but for me time has seized. I'm struck to 11th March, 2014.

I am thinking to kill myself seriously this time.:'( I'm tired of this life. I can no longer endure this pain. I can't fight with myself anymore. It tears me apart to think that things will never turn up the way I wanted or I want. My all dreams are shattered. My all hopes are died. Every moment my past haunts me. I try to run away from all those memories but they clutch me in their sharp claws, tearing every bit of my soul, making me realize I am trapped in my past.