Rain...

24-March -2014
Monday
6:37 A.M.

Tiny droplets of water pouring on the Earth quenching it's thirst. The chilled air, the birds soaring in the sky and wetting themselves in the rain. Water droplets dropping from the tree leaves. Doesn't everything sound so perfect?  Yes, it really is. Or should I say it was.

As I woke up and opened my eyes I found it's raining outside and the first name echoed in my mind is your. Remember how much we used to love rain. Always wanted to be together in such weather. Not letting go any of us even for a second. Now it's raining not just from sky but from my eyes too. How did you forget everything so easily?  I can't forget anything till my last breath. The love, the promises, the moments we shared I can't forget anything.

You're my first thought of morning and last dream of night. No matter how much I try to keep myself busy you never go away from my mind. I feel strange churning in my bowels everytime I think about you. My heart shrinks when I miss you. A mere thought of reminding myself you're nomore in my life brings tears in my eyes. Almost 2 weeks are gone by now but nothing has changed. Nothing can change my love for you.

If accepting that someone you love is hard then accepting that you love someone you lost is harder. It kills you and you can't defend yourself. My heart still believes you cannot do this to me. It was always you who showered me with your love.

Everytime when I was sad, puzzled or in any dilemma, just a simple chat with you and my all worries are gone. Today I am battling with myself. My heart says you cannot do this to me and my mind says you already did. I don't know whom to listen. When I listened to my heart it brought me tears, pains and sufferings. Should I listen to my mind now? I feel so frustrated at times when I think of my present condition but this frustration vanishes and is replaced by depression when I think of my past. How could I love someone so madly? Specially the one who was never there. All that was happening in my life was just an illusion created by you and you trapped me in this illusion. The real agony is I am still living in that world of illusions not accepting that the bubble of illusion has burst and I have hit the ground of reality. The reality which I wish I had never known.

Only I know what I am going through. This rain is making me feel sick now. Why you made it so special in your presence that I hate it now in your absence? Why don't you answer my questions? Why don't you come back and say "Kanyu it was all a nightmare. Wake up it's over now." ? I so desperately want you to bring my smiles back. Please come back. :'(