120 hours of loneliness..

16-March-2014
Sunday
6:45 AM

Days are passing moment by moment. The sun has arisen in the horizon once again spreading its rays to brighten the world. I can see the rays scattering into the sky and vanishing the darkness of world. I am sitting by the window in my bed and thinking is it really a new morning? For Me...No it's not. It's just one another day when I have to live with your memories and die once again. My eyes are still wet. I still miss your good morning text embedded with your love. I am missing the unending smile on my face. Tears are making way from my eyes to escape just like all the happiness escaped from my life. I am missing you badly.

My heart still wants you to come back and say "Kanyu is only my baby." I want you to shout "Kanyuuuuuuu". Now I won't say, "Sshhh don't shout." I again want to do all the mischiefs I used to do to make us laugh uncontrollably and remind it all day. Why have you gone?

Yesterday Shipra called me and said me to go temple together but I refused saying I have no faith in God now. I won't do any worship or any prayer. The prayers I did are still unanswered. I don't have anything to ask for. I have lost my life. What should I ask for now? I was crying all the while answering her and she was trying to calm me down.

Shashank came to me yesterday. The moment he entered my room I hugged him very tightly and cried. He was holding me and wiping my tears telling me stop and forget everything. Why everyone thinks it's so easy for me? I was only crying. He was holding me tighter trying to ensure me everything gonna be alright but only I know nothing is going to be alright ever.

Somehow he made me stop crying and fed me a biscuit after one and half day. He even cracked some silly jokes in front of mom to make me smile which I didn't listen even.

After 3 days he was the one who managed to make me step out of home. He wanted me to go out. I changed into a casual jeans top and hairs left open. Didn't even see how I am looking. We went out. All the way my eyes were closed and I was holding him. Not speaking a single word. I opened my eyes only when he stopped at CCD(VIP Road). One of our favorite spot ever.

He ordered my favorite cold coffee with ice cream and baby chocolate sauce. I used to love it a lot. The ambience was same where we used to gossip about the whole world, our love lives, our career, our future plans but today I was struggling to speak. He wanted me to open up and pour my heart but all I was doing is to listen him. I hardly spoke to him.

The crowd around me was jubilant. Couples sitting together holding hands. Some people busy discussing about the coming elections. My best friend sitting with me trying to cheer me up by telling how beautiful the next table girl is looking. Comparing me with other girls telling me how beautiful hairs I have and how others get jealous of me.

His words meant nothing to me. I was remembering everytime we had a fight we used to say it happens because others are jealous of us. I was wondering what has happened this time? Who is jealous of us? I was thinking everytime we were happy together we used to say, "Nazar utar lo kahi kuch wrong na jaye."