Lost you..Lost myself

In  just 3 days my world has crashed down in my feet. I don't know what to do? I can't go back, i can't move ahead, all i can do is to see my world crashing in front of my eyes and shed tears.

The sun still rises, the wind still blows same, the birds chirp in their usual way..Nothing has changed but I am not the same. Now I don't wake up with smile. My eyes are always wet.
Now no one wakes me up shouting my name.. I wake up with tears in my eyes.

I can see my mom crying silently because i am crying.

I avoid going in front of dad because he can read my face that there is something wrong.

I can't meet eyes with anyone, I start crying profusely.

I can't eat anything because now no one forces me to eat saying "Baby inni dieting ni karte." Sweta is feeding me every bite with her swear and still I hardly eat 3-4 bites.

I can't sleep in night because no one is there to tell me silly good night stories and even if I sleep I feel you calling my name but when I open my eyes I find its only my imagination.

I can't hear songs because every song reminds me of you.

I can't breath. It feels as if I am punishing myself every moment .

Everyone is telling me to forget everything and move on but how should I tell them I can't think beyond you.

I can't smile even a bit.

I can't read horoscopes because it reminds me how you used to say "my day depends on your mood."

I can't eat ice cream now because now you are not here to say "Kanyu ice clm ni khao." Kisse zid karu ab mai har choti choti baat par.

I don't like books now. I don't like balloons now. I don't like anything now. My all smiles and my all happiness has gone forever.

I don't dry my hairs on time because now you don't say "Kanyu dry your hairs otherwise you'll catch cold."

I don't know how to accept this reality. My heart isn't ready to accept the truth. How could you do this to me? Where was my mistake?  What wrong I did to you?

I can't delete the screenshots, the texts, the mails we used to save to read later and laugh on our silly talks.

Yesterday (12-03-14), early in the morning wind chime fell on bed in my feet and broken into pieces as if symbolizing that's how my heart has been broken. I was crying bitterly holding the broken pieces in my hands.

I can't hear what people around me are saying to me because I always loved you calling my name.

I have stopped going classes because I can't concentrate on studies. I only cry everytime.

I miss our 24*7 texting sharing every moment of our lives. Our late night chats, our early morning chats, looking at mobile screen waiting for your  text to flash and smile.

I miss the way you used to pamper me when I get mad at you. The way you used to make me smile in all the blues.

My heartbeats aren't normal anymore. I can feel my heart beating at an unmeasurable  speed. I don't know how to calm down. Sometimes I feel a strange pain within me and it seems I won't survive anymore.

Nobody leaves me alone in room thinking I'll do something wrong and harm myself.

Nobody knows I have nothing left to lose. I am already dead.

You were my inspiration, my strength, my everything and now I am nothing without you.

You always used to say "Meri baby rote huye achi nahi lagti hai." Why can't you see today I am crying for you.

Where are you? Why can't you see how I am going through hell? Why can't you realize its killing me inside?
I can't stop crying. I don't know how to console myself. Please come back and tell me it was only a prank or maybe a nightmare. Its not true. Please aa jao wapas or aur ek baar keh do kanya ye sab mazak tha.... please aa jao wapas. I promise mai kabhi fight nhi karungi. Kabhi gussa bhi nhi karungi. Bus tum wapas aa jao.

Whenever I had any problem you're always there to give me strength to fight but now when I need you the most you're not here. Kaise samjhau mai khud ki ab tum kabhi wapas nhi aaoge? Kaise batau khud ko ki tum kabhi the hi nhi mere paas? Kya karu mai kuch samajh me nhi aa rha mujhe. I can see sab paresan hai meri wajah se koi nhi chahta aise mujhe rote huye dekhna lekin mai kya karu, nhi samjha pa rhi mai apne aap ko. Every now and then sweta comes and wipes my tears and tells me not to cry but I can't stop crying. Mujhe nhi pata mai kaise reh paungi tumhare bina. Har baat pe tumhari yaad aati hai.

Everyone is telling me not to cry when I did no mistake. Everyone wants me to forget you and move ahead. Why don't anyone tells me how to forget the time I spent with you? How to erase your memories?  I am dying bit by bit with every passing moment. I have become a body with no feelings left. An alive dead. You’ve slipped under my skin, invaded my blood and seized my heart now I can't feel anything.