One More Day Without You...

14-March-2014
Friday
8:58 A.M.

One more day passed without you and one more day I died a little. Tears in my eyes still haven't dried. My heart still doesn't believe you're not with me.

Yesterday night dad asked me "Kya hua betu? Tabiyat achi nhi hai kya?" My voice got choked. I meekly replied "Theek hai." I came running back to my room with tears in my eyes and started crying once again. He could easily sense there is something terribly wrong is going on in my life. He didn't come after me but since then he isn't speaking much to anyone.

The atmosphere of my home has totally changed as if someone has died here. Nobody talks much to anyone. No music. There is an eerie silence just like someone's death. Yes their daughter is dead. She has become a dead body now. Numb. She can feel nothing. Only tears flow from her eyes.

My mom asks me to come and sit with her in her room and when I don't get up she herself comes and sits beside me. We don't speak with each other. She just accompany me. She steals glances to check if I am still crying and pretends she was looking for something else.

Mumma is cooking everything of my choice so that atleast I eat something but I don't feel hungry. Sweta comes and feeds me herself. I keep on crying saying I don't want to eat but still she feeds me forcefully as much as she can.

Today morning Mom said me to take shower and brush my hair because from past two days I haven't brushed my hair. I don't care how I am looking. I somehow managed to go and take shower but there too I was sobbing. Mom maybe heard me crying and she called my name to check if i am fine. I just said yes in crying voice.

When I came out from shower sweta hugged me tightly telling me everything will be fine. I hugged her and cried and still crying.

Remember you always wanted me to not to go in evening so that we can spend some more time together. Now I have stopped going but you're not there with me. All I have is loneliness.

Mom has suggested me to forget everything and concentrate on God but I can't concentrate on anything. My mind is occupied with your thoughts and your memories.Everytime  I used to pray I prayed for us and now I have lost all faith in God. How could he did this to me? Why so big punishment to me?

Yesterday when Avantika di called in night. I could only hear her words but could not speak. Words seem failed to escape my lips and I disconnected the call. I know I was wrong. She was trying to console me but what to do I am broken. I am sorry for what I did to her.

It's not that we never stopped talking before but then I knew we'll get back together anyhow. I knew you'll get me back. I knew we are meant to be together but i never knew it was all an illusion.

I am still unable to understand why I am getting this punishment. Where was my mistake?  I never did anything wrong to anyone then why me? I need an explanation to know why you did this to me? Why you left me to die? Why?