1 week...

18Th-March-2014
Tuesday
6:34 A.M.

Life is unpredictable we all know but sometimes its brutal. It's like a coin. Two faced. We can't see both faces at the same time. Either heads or tails. A simple heads or tails can give life a new turn. It can make you win or lose but in my case, heads or tails, both ways I lose.

I'm going through the phase of life where I have no choice left. I can't take a step ahead. I can't step back. I am watching everything going under the change but my life has gone still. 7 days have passed and I can hardly see any change in myself. I'm still crying. I've still not forget anything. I'm still hoping against hope. I'm still waiting some miracle to happen. Is this called life?

You entered in my life like a silent storm. I didn't realize storms come only to destroy lives and that's what you did. You destroyed my life. You broke my dreams. You left me devastated. I'm here crying over the shattered pieces of my heart. Unable to gather them and join once again.

Yesterday it was Holi. The festival of colours. Everyone around me was happy, celebrating, enjoying the aura of colours. But I didn't even a bit. You have taken the colours of my life. The color of happiness, joy, smile, sadness, anger and the color of love. Last year we're together on this auspicious fest enjoying it together. Smiling, laughing, making fun of others and with so much love.

Nobody played Holi here. We never play even but this time it's different. There is a strange sadness in everything. I'm not talking to anyone. I keep my cellphone off. I don't want to talk to anyone. Guests are coming and going. My mom thinks I'm not looking presentable even on festival because I don't care now how I'm looking. It doesn't matter to me.

We went to visit my cousin's home last night. I really didn't want to go but I couldn't say no to dad. I was sitting with dad. He tried to initiate conversation with me but I really couldn't reply him much other than some one syllable answers "haan" "nahi" "ok" or sometimes only nodding or replying with expressions. He knows I'm not well. There is something big has happened in my life which has changed me. Yes he is right. My life has lost. I didn't enjoy even a bit there. So many people, the sounds, the people around me talking to each other, the celebrations, the happiness.. all this kills me. Among so many people I was feeling so alone. Sometimes faking a smile, masking the pain, replying to the point,  and sitting with so many people. I was feeling suffocating. I wanted to leave right then and cry. That's what gives me some relief.

These memories are the worst part of life. The memories of happy times always make us cry. I miss I used to laugh like maniac on our stupid talks and now those memories are making me cry. Every morning starts with tears. Every night ends with tears. In between these I crave for my lost moments. I don't know how much time its going to take to wash them out from my brain.